Christmas & Infertility

I spent many Christmases, childless, dreaming of what it would feel like to have a child to buy presents for. For the five years I struggled through infertility I think Christmas was the most difficult holiday to get through. Before infertility I used to decorate and be so excited about this season. I noticed over the years of infertility I put less and less decorations up. On the years I did put decorations up I was sure to take them down the day after Christmas or even Christmas night.

It is sad to think about the women who are currently struggling with infertility during this holiday season. They are getting bombarded with movies, commercials and TV shows full of babies and kids celebrating Christmas. The holiday is so commercial that buying presents for kids seem to be the main focus. Kids are just everywhere!

As you may know, most women are private about their infertility struggle because of judgements and the intense pain it causes. However, if you happen to know or have a "gut feeling" a relative or friend is suffering from infertility, you can show your support without saying one word. Just make sure you hug her extra tight this Christmas season. Hold onto that hug for an extra minute if she will let you. She may never say she needs it, but she does.

Most likely she is dreaming about the child she has not had yet or maybe she is thinking about the multiple babies she miscarried. I am certain she is dreaming about what it would feel like to see her child running to the Christmas tree, tearing off wrapping paper and running to give Mom a big thank you hug.

Christmas is a time to be with family and friends. However, for some of those who secretly struggle with infertility it will be an extra harsh holiday when people ask why she doesn't have a baby yet. Maybe they will ask the questions I was asked: (1) Do you want kids? (2) Don't you like kids? (3) You are getting older, better start making babies. Why haven't you yet? And the list goes on and on.

You have to somehow find the strength to answer these questions. Most of us lie. I got to the point where I told people I did not want kids and that I didn't like them. This usually stopped the questions. Of course people thought I was a mean person but that was better than getting asked sensitive and hurtful questions.

Make sure you are sensitive to the women and men struggling through another holiday season, childless. If you are that couple, consider skipping on the big family gathering and spend Christmas skiing in Vail or on a beach in Maui. It might be time to take a break from the questions and just try to enjoy your time together.

Take care,
Alicia